The Challenge
When was the last time you felt challenged? I don’t mean challenged on social media with twitter arguments or being apart of someones barbershop temper tantrum. I’m speaking of the challenge that resonates in your core. The situation that you feel compelled to make a decision on as soon as you can to release the pressure of the moment. I’m actually feeling that now. I’m going through a challenging situation right now, but this time feels so unorthodox. I’ve actually been able to do a lot of reflecting lately that has made me realize some things about myself. This is the first time I’ve recognized a moment such as this without all of the baggage that usually comes along with “life’s challenges.” By baggage I’m referring to the stress, the anxiety, and the pressure I’ve placed on myself in the past during similar situations. Even more important for me, this is the first time in my life that I’ve been able to recognize or be aware that I’m in a challenging situation before its over. In the past… like I mentioned, stress and anxiety usually led these situations in my life so the lens which I saw them through was a bit foggy. In the past I may have called a similar situation “life being rough” or “nothing is going in my favor.” I didn’t realize it as a challenge until after the situation had blown over and I realized that I was able to learn something. These two things, the awareness of life’s test paired with the absence of stress and anxiety have changed my outlook on difficult situations, but also my personal growth.
Life’s true challenges often come from the things you truly love. With that being said, I’ve had my fair share of loves and challenges in my twenty-five years. One of my most recent challenges came shortly after college. I’ve spoken briefly on the subject in previous blogs, but my decision to quit the film industry was a major turn in my life. I ended up in Atlanta two days after my college graduation because a good family friend had faith in me and was able to pull strings in my favor. I am forever grateful and appreciative of not only the opportunity but for him taking a chance on me. However, my fear of letting this same person down had me very uptight when I realized what I was doing wasn’t for me. Don’t get me wrong, the film industry was love. I was able to get what I call “second tier v.i.p. access” to some of the nicest places in Atlanta just because I held a camera and had a press pass. I also learned more about my love for telling stories while there. However, the energy that I was receiving every day when going to set didn’t really align to the energy that I want to live by. I was annoyed in college because all of my professors were preaching news stations and broadcasting, but I hated the news because of all it’s negativity… now I’m chasing around people for reality tv because of the negative drama that sells so well.
I woke up one day and it was like something had just clicked in my head. As much as I loved cameras, video, and creating content everyday, I did not love the world I was doing it in. I’d never quit a job or honestly anything that I’d ever started, but I knew I couldn’t continue to feel how I felt about something I was spending 75-90 hours a week doing. The stress was probably the heaviest I’ve felt in my life. New city with no fall back, only enough money to stay a float for about two months, and just the fear of the unknown was enough to have my mind racing about what my future looked like. I was scared to let down everyone around me, especially the individuals who invested time and energy into me. Long story short, I quit the show I was currently on, and decided I wanted to get away from the film industry because I trusted my core and what I was feeling. It was trust that allowed for the doors to open to get me where I am today.
That challenge, those emotions, the mental state I was in at the time all allowed me to make the best decision for myself. However, my outlook at the time was very judgmental of myself. Going through life and facing its obstacles now have allowed me to reflect and realize how much pain and pressure I put myself through. The obstacles that I’m currently facing I’ve decided to be open hearted and open minded about. I literally see it as life lessons in which I just so happen love learning now. I know that at the end of the day that something positive will manifest from anything that challenges me to grow. The anxiety and the stress has been substituted for curiosity and gratefulness. It’s a for sure work in progress and I understand it always will be, but the internal progression and joy is worth every bit of it.
Being able to take the stress out of what I used to call “stressful moments” has been eye opening. It primarily opened my eyes up to be able to see the moments or situations as they happen. The best way I can portray this is in a baseball sense. I’ve faced pitchers throwing nothing but heat while I was at bat. Most times I would just see a little white dot fly by and immediately after hear the pop of the ball smacking the mitt. However, there was usually one pitch that the pitcher would toss up that lights up in my eyes. It’s as if the baseball gets bigger for a split second, and in that moment I know its one I can get ahold of. I’ve been able to see my challenges like this lately. In the past it seemed they were flying by me, and I couldn’t catch up to them, but now I see them for what they are- Moments that I can use to grow! Being aware of challenges now has a huge benefit for me… I feel like I have some control. Of course, I can’t control what life throws at me, but now I can better control how I respond and react. It allows me the opportunity to make intentional decisions even in tense moments. Intentional decisions allow me the chance to shape or at least prepare for an outcome!
Life is full of challenges… I’ve come to embrace these challenges and not try to dismiss them. I’ve realized that in the mist of certain situations that I may not have the words to fully articulate what it is I’m feeling, however, I do have to trust my feelings and my core to lead me in the right direction. Just because the stress has been removed doesn’t mean every situation is blissful. Sometimes the heaviness of a situation doesn’t make it the easy thing to do and most times definitely not the comfortable thing. Trusting myself and owning these situations gives me the assurance of knowing I will grow from them. I truly believe life is about growth and evolving…that simple.
Live with LOVE…
B.J. Crawford
